The Other Pandemic — Claire

During her first three months, Claire spent a lot of her off-days laying in the park and doing watercolours. It was her way of Grounding and finding a little joy for herself.

Starting out as a nurse has never been easy. Starting out as an A&E nurse during the pandemic , however, was a very special kind of rough.

“It feels like they’re throwing you into the deep sea, and you don’t know how to swim, so you just learn to float,” said Claire*, 22.

As a fresh graduate, this is what she went through on a near-daily basis. On paper, she was responsible for 15 patients. In practice, it meant making split-second life-and-death decisions and feeling responsible when things don’t work out as planned. Meanwhile, her mentors were too busy to to guide her and nobody could keep up with the ever-changing pandemic regulations.

“It dawned upon me that as a nurse, I can't afford to make a mistake, because it determines whether a person lives or dies,” she explained.

On one hand, she gained ‘valuable experience’. Privately, her mental health had begun to suffer, from the constant stress and anxiety. You could never have guessed from her present upbeat demeanour, but in those days, she could no longer function on a daily basis.

“So my sleep was affected, It was so difficult to get out of bed. My bathing was also affected... sometimes, I would spend like, one hour in the shower, because I just dreaded work,” she recalls.

The turning point came in the form of soup noodles. She had paid $9.50 for a comforting bowl of noodles. When it arrived, she couldn't swallow more than a few sips. In Claire’s words, this was the ‘last straw’. She decided, there and then, to find support.

“If I don’t go, I might go crazy,” she recalls, with a laugh.

Initially, she tried booking a Polyclinic appointment by phone but her booking got lost in the system. However, things moved along fairly quickly after she managed to speak to the staff in-person. They walked her through the process step-by-step. Claire was referred to a psychologist who was available, capable and most importantly, just 15 minutes from her home.

“They told me it was about $20 for a short session, and $30 for a long session. I was expecting, like, $120,” Claire recalled.*

"Whilst the treatment was affordable, there were no compromises on quality. Claire is full of praise for Hui Moon, the psychologist who helped her out of the deep end. Hui moon was an empathetic listener who gave Claire both the space to express her feelings without interruption and the techniques to deal with them.

During work, for example, Claire often overthinks and blames herself for every incident that happens on the ward. Her sessions with Hui Moontaught her to deal with this anxiety by not giving power to things outside of her control."

“She twists my focus to ‘is your thought really an actual worry? Don’t give so much power to unproductive, unbeneficial thoughts,” Claire recalls.

Claire also learned to sit with the uncomfortable feelings that assail her. The sight of a machine pumping on someone’s chest will never be a comforting sight for anyone, but she didn’t have to let it unbalance her.

“I can't do much, I put down the anchor, acknowledge where the discomfort is and just be in that moment,” she said."

"These techniques are just the tip of the iceberg, but Claire credits Hui Moon for getting her to a better place. She had asked for a long-term treatment plan instead of a quick fix, and Hui Moon had obliged with a multi-year programme. And even as their sessions come to end, Claire continues to put in the work. In her room, she has printed out a list of reminders—so she can actively practise what she has learned. She’s also eager to support by sharing with others, just as her friends and psychologist have done for her.

“I hope the older generation can stop with that strawberry generation thing. I can be tough and I still need help.”

*These were the rates that Claire was offered at the polyclinic she went to. They are a rough guide for the community mental health rates. Actual rates might differ."

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